female.15 . FAT
trying everything in my power to become thin and feel beautiful inside.
ask anything lovely followers , I'm always here for any of you <3
if you want to know more personal things about me , message me privately . x
goal weight : 45 kg
so things were getting better for me , they really were. but then it all came back, all the negative shit that goes on inside my head, in the last week i have felt more suicidal than ever but i couldn’t attempt it because i have attempt it so so so many times now and i always fail. i tried everything to make all this shit go away , i got so frustrated i cut all up and down my arms and wrists , i normally self harm in more private places like thighs and tummy. It’s crazy because everyone keeps saying how much better i am doing but i’m not , not at all , i feel worse than ever. One of my standards i have always always had is to NEVER do weed because my dad is an drug head and i don;t want to turn out like him. but i was so upset that i just said fuck it. Me and my bestfriend called a dealer and met hi the same night , we ended up getting 6 grams. i was so excited because i thought that maybe this could make me happy. We made a bong and smoked it in my bestfrinds room. It tasted disgusting and my throat hurt so so much , i felt like i couldn’t breathe. It was so so scary how quickly it hit us , it felt like two seconds and we weren’t in control. I thought weed was supposed to make you happy, but i now know everyone has different reactions. While my bestfriend was having the time of her life, i was having the most scared time of my life, i was shaking non stop and crying , i can never explain how scared i was. the first half an hour felt like 5 seconds and then the next couple of hours felt like days , time was so fucked up. i was stilll shaking and i ended up having a panic attack i was so paronoied. my mate had to call an ambulance for me , fucking hell it was the worst experience of my life, never again please.
